It is 9:30pm. Sayer has gone to bed. She made it through her first hump day at the new job and is all tuckered out. I’ll take this opportunity to write a short food-themed homage to High Fidelity.
Top 10 all-time favorite foods:
10. Home-made tacos. Taco night is always a happy night.
9. Insalata caprese. So simple, so delicious. This dish is very easy to make, but you must use the freshest ingredients – basil, tomato, mozzarella, olive oil – nothing pre-packaged and don’t even think about using one of those tasteless tomatoes that most grocery stores sell these days.
8. Cajunized tots from McMenamins. McMenamins is a chain (don’t let that word fool you, this is one chain that actually gets it right) of microbreweries and brewpubs in the Northwest. Each one is unique – some have movie theatres, some have hotels, one has a Turkish bath, and they are all wonderful places to have a drink, grab a bite to eat, and relax with good company. Be warned: the cajunized tots, irresistible though they are, will raise your body’s sodium level to a limit rivaling that of the sea monkey-infested pink waters of that lake in Utah.
7. Fried sweet plantains. The best I’ve ever had were from a small bar in Key West (can’t recall the name of the place right now, just that it was a hangout for the locals).
6. Soylent green. (Has anyone actually seen this movie?)
5. General Tsao’s tofu from Choy Wong’s in West Philly. Only $4? Each order has got to be at least 10 pounds of general tsao’s!
4. Pizza twist from Rita’s Steak House and Pizzeria, Westville, NJ. If you’ve never heard of this before, just imagine a pizza folded in half and deep fried. Crispy on the outside, gooey on the inside. Comes with extra fried dough buried in a blizzard of powdered sugar. Take that, arteries!
3. General Tsao’s seitan from A Single Pebble in Burlington, VT. How do they get it so crispy?
2. Pizza that Mom used to make. When I was younger my parents would have all the neighborhood kids over at the house for Halloween and for birthdays, and Mom would make pie after pie of fresh pizza, pizza like you can never find in any pizzeria or restaurant no matter how many you try.
1. Chips and salsa. This should really be a daily staple of every diet. I don’t know what I would do without them.
Top 10 foods I’ll never eat…or never eat again:
10. Snook. Its a really nasty-tasting fish I had to eat while living in South Africa. In addition to the foul flavor, I was eating the tiny fishbones for a month before anyone told me what they were.
9. Food from any of the following establishments: McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Arby’s, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, White Castle, Burger King, Domino’s, KFC, Hardee’s, Taco Time, etc. You get the point.
8. Raw mango. Not that I don’t like mango, its just that I get a rash every time I touch one. Mango lassi on the other hand – well that goes through a straw and straight down into my belly, so its fine by me.
7. Insects. I just can’t do it. Ever.
6. Balut. I’m not even going to describe this one. Google it at your own risk.
5. Gold. Seriously. If the disgustingly wealthy could eat Irish babies I’m sure they would (c’mon, think back to 11th grade English lit…). For now, they will have to make do with this shiny delicacy.
4. An airplane. For those of you who still think Gérard Depardieu is the greatest Frenchman ever, check out this guy.
3. Casu Marzu. Its an illegal Italian cheese. Its full of live maggots.
2. Octopus. If you ever get a craving for one, especially one that is still alive, watch the movie Oldboy.
1. Tuna. Gross! I don’t even like giving this stuff to the cats.
Top 10 songs about food:
10. “Rock n’ Roll McDonalds” – Wesley Willis.
9. “She Don’t Use Jelly” – The Flaming Lips.
8. “Young Man Who Wouldn’t Hoe Corn” – Pete Seeger.
7. “Soup is Good Food” – Dead Kennedys.
6. “Cassava Piece” – Augustus Pablo.
5. “Jelly Beans” – Daniel Johnston.
4. “Chocolate Jesus” – Tom Waits.
3. “Eggs And Sausage (In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson)” – Yeah, I like him that much to give him two in a row.
2. “Satan Gave Me a Taco” – Beck.
1. “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” – The Dead Milkmen.
Feel free to add your own lists in the comments section.